AROMANTICISM
information by @pergliamicialaska,
design by @aurvmx on instagram
aromanticism
what is it?
aromanticism is an orientation that describes people who experience no to little romantic attraction. the term 'aromantic' is often shortened to 'aro'.
the opposite term, used to describe people who are not on the ace spectrum, is 'alloromantic'.
this is the aro flag:
but what is romantic attraction?
romantic attraction is a form of emotional attraction based on a desire for a romantic relationship, or doing romantic activities with a particular person.
queerplatonic relationships and amatonormativity
what are qpr's?
queerplatonic relationships are a type of relationship that blur between the lines of friendship and romantic relationships.
in our society, there are hard rules that say what everyone must and mustn't do in any kind of relationship, platonic, romantic or any other kind, and queerplatonic relationships are formed to break these stereotypes.
queerplatonic relationship is abbreviated to qpr, and two or more people in a qpr are called queerplatonic partners, abbreviated to qpp.
qprs are usually emotionally closer and involve more dedication than platonic relationships, but are inherently different from romantic ones.
all qpr's are different from each other; the boundaries are set by the partners and can change over time.
queerplatonic relationships can involve some forms of physical affection which are normally considered romantic or sexual, such as hand-holding, cuddling, kissing, or having sex. some queerplatonic couples will live together, get married or have kids.
qprs can be both monogamous and polygamous. they also aren't exclusive, meaning that one can have a qpr but also a romantic or sexual relationship, or multiple qprs, at the same time, obviously with the consent of everyone involved.
qprs are common between a-spec people, but one doesn't have to be a-spec, or queer, to have a qpr.
a queerplatonic partner is also called a zucchini. this originates from a joke in the aro and ace communities about the lack of a term, so any word could be used, like zucchini, and it just stuck.
and what is amatonormativity?
amatonormativity is the belief that romantic love is more important than any other kind of relationship, that it should be the only goal in one's life and aimed at in preference to other relationships.
society has placed amatonormativity as the norm that everyone should follow, and it's so wrong in many ways for a-spec, queer and also heterosexual people.
firstly, it discredits putting any other kind of relationship as a priority in one's life, but it is also discriminating against asexual, aromantic and polyamorous people, as well as those who simply don't want a romantic companion.
amatonormativity and its privileges force people to enter relationships that are bad for them, or just not what they need, and be stuck there by criticism and social norms.
this way of thinking also makes people give up on friendships, or other relationships, in order to have romantic ones because they're more valued by society, when in reality ranking different kinds of relationships is stupid and harmful, as well as believing that one's life isn't fulfilled without getting married.
the aro spectrum
the aromantic spectrum is very broad and contains a lot of people with experiences that are all different.
people on the spectrum can choose to simply identify as aromantic, or can use other labels if they feel like they describe their identity better.
side note: all of these labels can be used on their own or with other labels to describe the kind of attraction that can be felt, for example one can use both demiromantic and heteroromantic to say they feel attraction to the opposite gender only once a bond is formed.
other side note: in this carrd we talk about the aromantic spectrum and only refer to romantic attraction, although all of these labels can be used to refer to sexual attraction by simply replacing the suffix -romantic with -sexual
note: for more information, click on the flags!
DEMIROMANTIC
someone who doesn't feel romantic attraction until they feel a deep emotional connection.
it's important to distinguish between choosing to start a relationship until you get to know someone and being demiromantic: the people that are demi don't feel attraction until a bond is formed, but alloromantic people can feel attraction towards strangers but decide to not act on it.
the 'opposite' of demiromantic is frayromantic.
FRAYROMANTIC
someone who only feels attraction to people they don't know well, and once a bond is formed, the attraction fades away. it's the 'opposite' of demiromantic.
GRAYROMANTIC
someone who isn't alloromantic, but doesn't feel like aromantic describes their sexuality in the right way. greyromantic people may feel attraction but only weakly or infrequently, or under specific circumstances, or have a different experience that doesn't make them feel connected to the aromantic label.
AROFLUX
someone whose attraction fluctuates in intensity.
it can be confused with abroromantic, but the latter is usually used by people whose attraction fluctuates between genders.
some aroflux people may feel aromantic at times and other identities on the spectrum at other times, some people may also feel alloromantic.
CUPIOROMANTIC
someone who does not experience romantic attraction but still desires a romantic relationship. the label may be used by, for example, an aromantic person who still wants a romantic relationship, or a frayromantic person who dates someone after they lose their romantic attraction.
RECIPROMANTIC
someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction unless they know that the other person is romantically attracted to them first
the split attraction model (sam)
the split attraction model (abbreviated as SAM (ew uppercase letters)) is a model that separates sexual and romantic attraction. people can choose to use this model or not. for example, a pansexual and panromantic can simply use the word 'pansexual' but still distinguish the two types of attraction, while an other can use 'pansexual' but not feel a difference between them.
people whose sexual orientation and romantic orientation don't match will obviously use the SAM, for example someone who is asexual biromantic. people who don't use this model and are in the ace community usually use the labels 'non-sam asexual' or 'non-sam aromantic'
this is the non-sam aro flag: (click on it for more info!)
aro symbols and culture
since aromanticism has its own community, of course there are some symbols and curiosities, so here i am to explain them
symbols:
card suits
in the ace and aro community, playing cards are used as symbols for different identities:
spades are used by aroaces, hearts by alloromantic aces, clubs by greyaces/greyromantics and diamonds by demis.
these unfortunately do not include all identities, but only the ones that are used by more people.
aro rings
in the asexual community, one of the asexual symbols is the asexual ring. it's a black ring worn on the middle finger of one's right hand. there’s an aro version too, a white ring worn on the middle finger of the left hand. it's not official and many aro or ace people don't know about it, and basically no allos know either, so for most people it is more of a personal reminder and symbol of belonging to a loving community than something by which others can identify you.
culture/inside jokes:
dragons
dragons are cool, and a nice way to flip a plot: if you don’t want to include a love interest, then why not throw a nice dragon in instead? it surely doesn't make it boring. and also, reading a fantasy book and rooting for the dragon, instead of the knight trying to defeat it and win the princess’ heart, is definitely a power move. besides, society thinks we’re mythical anyways, so why not use it? and also, let's homage our aroace pal, charlie weasley
succulents and plants in general
plants are green, the official aro color, and a nice and chill hobby
arrows and archery
aro and arrow are really similar words, and many of us like the fantasy genre because it doesn’t necessarily focus on romance and come on, archers are cool
frogs
i have no idea why, but we claimed frogs and it will be this way from now on
garlic bread
as the aces have cake, we have the delicious garlic bread
paper crowns
thanks to the canonically aro character of the archie comics, who wears a crown beanie, aros claimed paper crowns as aro culture
reminders
-sexuality is fluid, and in the future you might feel a different way
labels are confusing and it's okay if you are struggling to find one or if you don't want to use one
-trying out labels is okay, and using one but then finding another that fits better is okay too, don't be afraid to find out what works better
-the aromantic community loves and accepts you for who you are, regardless if you're part of it or not
-lastly, you're not broken and there's nothing wrong with you if you're aromantic, you're valid no matter what
thank you!
we hope you found this carrd interesting and that you enjoyed it!
if you've reached this page, you deserve some garlic bread!
always remember to take care of yourself, respect and be kind to others and stand uo for what you believe in. we're proud of you!
as you can see on the first page, we have made an italian version of this carrd. if anyone wants in order to translate this to other languages to make it more accessible, please dm us on instagram so we can work on it together.
also, if you haven't seen it yet, we made a similar carrd about asexuality, so check that out by clicking down here!
thank you,
-alaska and ale <3